Whiskered Don Corleone: Pixar will turn the Venetian mafia into a cat shelter for debtors

Hollywood storytellers Pixar have decided to finally break with their saccharine reputation and take on crime classics, announcing a teaser for their new feature, Gatto (Cat). The story centers on the hapless, musically gifted black cat Nero (voiced by Mark Ruffalo), who manages to get himself into debt with the ruthless leader of a local Venetian gang, a crime boss nicknamed Rocco (voice of Laurence Fishburne). Enrico Casaros, director of the sunny Luca, has taken over the director's chair, this time trading an Italian vacation for a dark showdown in the dank canals of Venice, where the protagonist, on top of all his troubles, is also terrified of water. Visually, the film will be the studio's crowning achievement: for this crime drama, Pixar has thrown out its signature glossy 3D realism, replacing it with a painterly stylized 2D rendering with rough brushstrokes in the spirit of Puss in Boots 2. We can only watch cynically as Disney attempts to monetize the aesthetics of The Godfather through cat tails and lure audiences into theaters by March 5, 2027.